Monthly Archives: April 2007

“…comes with a lifetime guarantee”

This is a question I’ve had for years, but have never had the courage to discuss. It revolves around the idea of a lifetime guarantee. Years ago I discovered they aren’t talking about my lifetime. They are talking about the lifetime of the product. On the surface this sounds great. What an incentive to buy that thing-a-ma-jig on the info-mercial!

I’ve always wondered though about the actual, legal parameters of such a thing. If I buy the dice-o-matic and it totally croaks next week, I would think that would be covered. However, since the thing is dead, we must have passed the lifetime of the gizmo, so I guess the guarantee is no longer any good. If next week it only sort of doesn’t work, it’s not dead, so I suppose the guaratee is still in effect. Am I getting this right? What if I’m super, extra careful, the cheap little gadget lasts 20 years. At that point, it begins to have trouble working. Since the manufacturer expected the little plastic doo-dad to only last a year, is that beyond the lifetime? I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking this thing. I know it doesn’t really matter, but somehow I care. Do I have issues?

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Sing a Song of Sixpence…

It has been one of those days. One of those random days, where no matter what is said, no matter what happens, it all reminds me of a song. Literally. Everything. A song. I clean the kitchen floor, and start in on “This is the way we wash the floor/Wash the floor/Wash the floor”. Opening windows to let the breeze blow through stirs up “They call the wind Maria”. Making myself lunch, my brain starts chewing on “I like to eat/I like to eat/I like to eat 8 apples and bananas”. I say good night to Brian, and in my head start singing “Good night sweetheart/Well it’s time to go-o…”. Where does this stuff come from???

I think my brain is like a giant Rolodex. Continue reading

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It Came from the Garage…

No one has ever tried to give me the nickname Cathy Carpenter. I am not married to Bob the Builder. Our children are not Paul Plumber and Esther Electrician. None of us are Greg the Gardner. That being the case, can anyone explain what I found in our garage??? Continue reading

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Behold the Power of the Onion

Did you know the onion is a mystical, dangerous vegetable? Neither did I, until today. I was reading about onions today and found out that apparently somebody knows some hidden secrets about these veggies the rest of are missing out on! I base this hypothesis on the following list of actual laws in this great country of ours. Continue reading

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You Can’t Trump Jesus

Tonight I watched the finale of “The Apprentice” on TV.  The concept of this show is that a dozen or so highly qualified people are chosen (out of about a million people that applied) to be put through a 14 week “interview process”, and at the end of it all, Donald Trump chooses one of the candidates to be his apprentice. This entails being in charge of a one year project for Trump, getting paid quite well, and by working under Donald Trump, get a chance to glean wisdom from him on becoming a gazillionaire.

 I’ve seen most of the episodes this season, and it’s amazing to see what these people go through for this opportunity. Some of them left jobs where they were actually making more money that they would working for Donald Trump (and he’s paying $250,000!), and all of them left their jobs, families, normal lives, etc. for a couple months to be there. Once they make it on the show, they are barraged with tasks, most of them a lot of work and little or no glamour. This season it was especially demoralizing to be on the losing team each week, as they had to live outside the mansion where the winning team stayed. They lived in tents, cooked over camp stoves, took showers in really bad camp tents, and were pretty much miserable. Most of the time they didn’t do a horrible job to end up living in the camp; they just didn’t get quite as good an outcome as the other team. The humiliation they felt was supposed to spur them on to try harder next time.

 While this makes for interesting TV, I’m glad Donald Trump is not God. Continue reading

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Humble Pie–It’s What’s for Dinner

So, the other day I’m driving toward home on a two-lane, straight as an arrow country road. It’s a lovely day, and I’m just enjoying the drive, lost in my own thoughts.

As I crested a small rise in the road I saw coming toward me a long line of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Up till now I had seen no cars coming toward me at all. I noticed the little car at the head of this moving “traffic jam”, and laughed to myself, “Ah, yes, there’s the guy whose job it is to keep the rest of us honest. The guy who travels a mile or two under the speed limit and ties up the rest of the world behind him.” Continue reading

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Why I Hate Moving

Well, just looking at that, it makes me sound sort of lazy, doesn’t it? I didn’t mean I hate moving, as in “Gee, I wish I could sit here all day without using even one muscle.” I meant, as a Scottish acquaintance  puts it, “moving house”. It seems like we’ve moved a lot in the last few years, although it really hasn’t been all that much… By the way, this post isn’t because I’m cranky today. I was just working on all the moving stuff and this is the random thread that wound it’s way through my mind. So here’s my list: Continue reading

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