Behold the Power of the Onion

Did you know the onion is a mystical, dangerous vegetable? Neither did I, until today. I was reading about onions today and found out that apparently somebody knows some hidden secrets about these veggies the rest of are missing out on! I base this hypothesis on the following list of actual laws in this great country of ours.

  1. In Tamarack, Idaho it is illegal to buy onions after dark without a special permit from a sheriff.
  2.  In Dyersburg, Tennessee it is illegal to enter a movie theater within 4 hours of eating a raw onion. (I wonder how they enforce that?)
  3. Wade Mills, North Carolina makes it illegal to buy or consume onions or ice cream during the half hour before church starts.
  4. Peewee, West Virginia has outlawed eating onions in a cemetary.
  5. In Nacogdoches, Texas it is illegal for a young woman to eat raw onions after 6:oo PM.
  6. Rock Springs, Wyoming prohibits a man from chewing raw onions while driving his pick-up truck down city streets.
  7. In Okanogan, Washington it’s illegal to eat onions in public with a spoon.
  8. Burdonville, Vermont gives pastors the right to make a person stand in the corner or leave the church if they have eaten onions.
  9. Hackberry, Arizona prohibits women from eating onions while drinking buttermilk on Sunday.
  10. In Ridgeland, South Carolina, it is illegal for a woman who weighs over 200 lbs. and is wearing shorts to be seen eating onions in a restaurant or at a public picnic.
  11. Blue Hill, Nebraska has outlawed any woman wearing a “hat which would scare a timid person” from eating onions in public.
  12. It’s not all against women, though. Wolf Point, Montana gives a woman the legal right to make her wayward husband eat raw onions when she catches him drinking. It is her “moral, wifely duty” according to this ordinance.

I don’t know what the threat is, but I’m grateful we have lawmakers to protect us! Can you imagine what could happen to us if we didn’t have these laws? Hm… me either…

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4 Comments

Filed under Weird Stuff I Know

4 responses to “Behold the Power of the Onion

  1. brian

    I guess I get #4.

    If you can’t eat onions in a cemetary, you’d have less incentive to grow them there (or to pick them wild)

    Growing onions in a cemetary raises the question of what exactly they’re growing in.

    Eeehwwuu !!

  2. I think the cemetary thing confused me, since so many of the others seem to have to do with the social issue of offensive breath. Just who is going to be offended by bad breath in a cemetary? Maybe I don’t want to know…

  3. brian

    10 and 11 can’t be just about breath – I suspect they’re just mean.

    I have to believe they were each concocted with one specific person in mind – I shudder to think of a club of scary-hat onion-eating women.

    What if it was the same woman?

  4. Coming Soon to a Theater near You! “The Scary-Hat Onion-Eating Women’s Club”! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the mall!

    Oo, worse yet! What if the Scary-Hat Onion-Eating Women’s Club met in a cemetary! Think of the horrors!

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