A Light at the End of the Tunnel

Well, it is finally here. Almost five years after Brian got laid off, thus setting in motion the drama we have been living through since then, the end is in sight. For those who don’t know, the job God provided to replace the one lost in Tulsa, Oklahoma is in the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania area. Since that job came up, we have been living separately, not by choice, but because God said to. We have somehow managed to hold the family together through hours spent on cell phones, tons of prayers, and airplane flights every couple of months. As of Friday, June 22, that will all end. Praise God! That is the day Brian will be flying to Oklahoma on a one way ticket. We will pack up all our belongings, load them into PODS, and drive to our new home (stopping in Kansas City to drop off Adam at his new home).

The last five years have been the hardest time we’ve had to go through, and it’s a relief to have it coming to an end. So far I still haven’t relaxed or rejoiced too much, I think because part of me is holding back, waiting to make sure it actually happens this time. As hard as this all has been, I can’t really complain about having gone through this. Through it all God has been faithful to hold us, protect us, and teach us. We have grown immensely, as a couple and as individuals. We have learned to lean on God more than we ever did before, primarily because we had to. It was lean on Him or be towed under.

During this time, God has also given us prophetic understanding of some things we didn’t have before. (For all you theologians, excuse me if I didn’t use the word “prophetic” correctly. I’m not sure how else to explain what I mean.) It started during the couple of weeks Brian was out of work. Going to the grocery store was really traumatic for me, having to spend money, knowing there wasn’t anymore coming in for who knew how long. I remember getting ready to go to the supermarket one day and starting to freak out, not exactly praying, more like whining to God about our situation. You know, things like “How am I going to buy groceries? What if we run out of money? What if Brian doesn’t get a job before we run out of money?” I heard Him say, “Have mercy on the poor.” That froze me for a minute; partly because I didn’t really expect to hear Him, and partly because if you would have asked, I would have said I already had mercy for the poor. What I had now, though, was more than sympathy, but empathy, because I was feeling it for myself.

There’s more to the story, but I’ll have to write that another day. Today has been long, and I’m exhausted. I think I’m reaching another one of those times I’ve hit before going through all this when I lean on God and trust Him, not so much because my faith is that strong, but more because my flesh has gotten too weak to panic or fret anymore. So now, I sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll write more. There’s so much more to tell…

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